inflow -- outflow

i just want you all to know something: i LOVELOVELOVELOVE online bill payments, direct deposit, and quicken.

and that's it. that's all you need to know.

left over pop over

weather: gray, kinda feels like it might rain!?

i'm taking off for seattle this evening! it should be really great -- i get to spend four days up there, with ian, dan, aseem & ollie. i've never visited the city, plus i have two days off from work (tomorrow & friday), AND it's the fourth of july weekend. a recipe for fun!

but alas, a whole day of work still lies between me and this adventure. and i have plenty, i mean plenty of work to do... schedules to make, games to play, emails to write, yadda yadda yadda. not even fun work, just Work with a capital W -- i only get to "play games" if i get all the other schtuff done first.

but in an effort to make myself more musically-aware and to brighten up this rather gray san francisco day, i'm listening to the Boss as i drink my coffee and blog. i mean really, who doesn't like bruce springsteen? i have two friends who are fanatics. it's high time i actually listen to one of his albums and see what the fuss is about.

honestly though, i kinda feel like i'm listening to an old florida country music station. but shhhhh... don't tell them!

neither up nor down

i'm HUNGRY. growwwwll goes my stomach. good thing it's about time to jet-set out of work. today is book club today. i mean tonight. tonight is book club night. that once-a-month event where i get to drink wine and be all literary and stuff with friends. somehow we always end up talking about the homeless problem in san francisco, no matter what book we are reading. tonight, we are discussing "life with pi". i'm curious to see how this ties into the the homeless. i guess there might be hidden tigers in golden gate park, waiting to pounce on their next victim. that would be interesting.

speaking of books, i got catfoo the big fatty clinton book for her birthday. today, he was down at the ferry building, signing books as part of his launch tour. sadly, i was not cool enough to get a ticket to this event in time. which is too bad because her dope-ass present would have been that much MORE phat, had the Dude signed it himself. sorry to let you down, foo.

up!

phew. it's back up again. how horrible was that?

down!

my blog seems to be down! what's going on!?!?! i'm crying now.

shiny shoes and party dresses

weather: sunny, but deceivingly cool.

for some reason, i seem to have a large quantity of really tall male friends. i'm talking at least 6'5" or more. they're the kind of guys who can throw on a nice shirt and trendy pants and command presence just by being in a room. it's not that they're exceptionally fantastic looking ('tho they are rather pleasing to the eye) and it's not even that people always swarm around them (because they don't), it's just that they're noticeably cool. and being someone that people take notice of is no small matter. it's certainly not a 5'6" matter, as i am realizing more and more.

different thread.

i was at a party last night with a bunch of chef-types, and was asked at some point if i was "in the industry". this little question got me thinking about what it means when you're "in" an industry and why do we ask people questions like that when we meet them? i mean, yes, i'm "in the industry" -- just certainly not in HIS industry. he's certainly not in mine. that word -- "the" -- is a funny one.

so after being asked this sort of question, and saying "no, no i'm not in "the" industry", i have to wonder -- is it going to be harder to become this person's friend now? i should hope not. but it could be. afterall, the border was constructed, and the lines were drawn. but maybe it makes it easier, since this declaration excuses both parties from needing to know anything about the other person's work... we've established that it's okay if i forget what a bordelaise sauce is (or even how to spell it), and i certainly won't fault him if he has no idea what programming language to use in an interactive graphics application.

hmm. maybe we can be friends.

regardless, something awkward definitely happens in that moment right after the question is asked and the question is answered.

take the flip side -- say i HAD been in his industry, or he in mine, would that have made our conversation more interesting? or less? on one hand, we may have built instant camaraderie over shared experiences. but we may also have bored each other to tears because there was nothing new on the table to learn about, to explore, to taste, to debug. so, either it's a showdown or a snooze-fest... and who's to know? the conversation was brief. i can hardly even remember his name.

mooooove over butter

did you know that in 1891 the first bison were brought to golden gate park in san francisco in an effort to conserve a species that was rapidly dwindling, despite centuries of free roam over american soil? and now i live 20 blocks from a herd of bison thanks to this gallant effort. yay for bison!

head in a vise

weather: clear + windy

i have this constant itch in my nose and it's about to drive me 100% crazy. i hate that feeling you get at the onset of a cold. it's often worse than the cold itself because of all the anticipation and worry about how severe and annoying and painful and gross your cold will turn out to be. and you know that there are many days of restless nights and soggy tissues and embarrassing sneezes and whooping coughs to make you feel extra attractive and fun to be around. being sick sucks. i woke up today and felt like i'd overdosed on five benedryl, three sudafed, and two advil. the funny (?) thing was, i haven't taken any medication in months! yargh.

it's lovely out today, though. except it's a bit windy. but the sun is great, as i experienced on a very slow bike ride this morning. it's also cat's birthday today. we're spending it in a very glamorous way - cleaning our apartment. she attacked the fridge, i attacked the bathroom and also did a little dance with our vacuum cleaner. it's nice having a clean apartment. it makes everything feel a little more fresh and fun and happy. i like that.

so i am refraining from mentioning a rather pleasant activity that i did last night because if i bring it up, then my friend chris and i will have to have a blog-off. considering i just watched zoolander a few nights ago and was so graphically reminded of the consequences of getting into any sort of "blank"-off with your talented rival, i think it's best that i just don't mention this "activity". i don't want to lose and end up with my underwear up my ass.

i'm glad, though, that people have so many outstanding and inspirational ways to communicate with the world. whether it's through words or music or food or fabrics or beats or strums or lyrical passages, i think it's really cool that we're capable as humans of creating and telling stories with which we can connect to each other in intimate and personal ways. it's awesome that we can make each other feel so good just by sharing a little piece of ourselves through some abstract means. it's something i've been thinking about a lot this week as i've been hanging out with people who inspire me. and it's something that was reiterated to me again last. twice. no, three times. and it's fucking rad.

beavers

i love my old cycling team from MIT. this is my shout-out to them, because they went to nationals this year! no easy feat. "80 miles, about 24 mph average speed" for the D2 mens race. who said nerds aren't athletic?

anyways, there is a hilarious account of their adventures on www.usacycling.org that i just discovered, complete with a "little asphalt quality check" and "a little skinny boy sandwich."

ahh yes. one more excerpt. "For the curious, Ariel has already worked up some calculations about how we'll do next year taking into account the rotation of the earth, the relative position of the moon and Uranus...". who said atheletes aren't nerdy?

go beavers!

the animals have spoken

clearly, their time has come. the animals have a voice.
1. pit bull grind core
2. parrot death metal

the finest ingredients

weather: coolish, sunnyish, not so bad.

i've been to some fantastic restaurants this week!

saturday's post-red sox game excursion (did i tell you i got to go to a second game??) with my new chef-friend, conor, landed us in nob hill at a charming and wonderfully tasty little bistro where we ate swordfish and arugula salad and other culinary delights. then last night it was a friend's birthday. i found myself in the lower haight at rnm, eating scallops and morrels and aspargus and wonderful little cheeses and a salad with radishes and other great flavors. in just a few short days (two), the foo turns 24. so we're taking my dear roommate to 1550 hyde, a restaurant just down the street from the bistro that i went to on saturday. i expect more greatness and i can't wait. here, someone wrote about it in their blog. read pim's thoughts.

sweet and fluffy

i found my new love this week. sweet, tasty, warm, a great companion, makes me smile, like a little piece of heaven on earth...

their name is "soy latte"

and to think that all these years and i mocked the soy drinkers.

the "health nuts". the poor "lactose intolerant" fools who would waltz up to the counters and order.. "grande soy latte extra hot please!" with that superior whine in their voice, like they were on top of the world. i would stand there and watch them with a mocking smile on my face because i knew they were missing out on one of the finest things in life. a latte made with regular whole milk. mmm. warm and foamy and delicious. so fattening and wonderful and delicious.

until, that is, today.

i blame lamont. first, he spilled hot crappy coffee on me this morning in the hallway as i slowly meandered to my desk, trying so carefully not to spill the pathetic excuse for a latte that i tried to make in the office kitchen. i was trying to save money. i only burned my tongue and my hands.

then he IM's me this afternoon, so innocently... "coffee?"
then he takes me down the street.
then he whispers sweet soy latte nothings in my ear.

and i give in.
and i order.
and i am hooooooked.

chicken dance

weather: don't know.

ha ha so i think i must be the most uncoordinated kick-boxer in the entire world. cynthia and i braved a class this morning at the YMCA, and it was pretty ridiculous. if this is really what i look like when i try to fight, i am in serious trouble.

but riding my bike downtown at 6:00 am is great. the roads were empty, and i shaved 10 minutes off my time! plus, i felt about a thousand times safer than i do when i ride in around 9:00 am. sure there were a few more homeless men talking jibberish on the streets, but they're harmless compared to the taxis, delivery trucks, and half-sleeping commuters i would have encountered a few hours later.

by the time i hit the embarcadero, the sun was coming up and it was positioned right behind the bay bridge. it was enormous and glowing a soft white. it was probably the prettiest thing i've seen since i went hiking in marin last weekend. mmm.

u-less q-words

did you know there are over 12 u-less q words? this will greatly help your speed scrabble coolness. so start memorizing.

qat
qats
qaid
qaids
qait
qoph
qophs
faqir
faqirs
qanat
tranq
qwerty

olive oil skin

weather: sunny

disposophobia: the fear of throwing something away? compulsive hoarding syndrome. apparently, it can be a learned trait passed from parent to child. so it's not my fault (nor is it cat's) that our apartment is, well, cluttered. thanks, 'rents.

from elle: the professional woman's dirty secret

yay for vegetables

weather: i don't know. it was cold and cloudy this morning, but i haven't been outside again since i got to work.

i think i see sun out there...
maybe i should use this tragedy as an excuse to go get coffee?

well, actually, i can't do that. i need to a little work instead. in fact, so much of it that i'm going to have to postpone this entry and come back later. yargh. sorry. bye.

...

ok it's later. and guess what! i never went outside! it's a glorious, cubicle-y, flourescent day. mild temperature, no wind, slight hum of the computers, and the clickty-clack of the keyboards.

but i was surprisingly productive despite feeling many times like i should crawl under the desk and take a nap. that's twice this week i've wanted to take a nap at work. and i HATE naps. go figure.

maybe i should stop being such a party girl. i can blame my job, though, since all my social events this week were work-related. and tomorrow is the giants vs. red sox game, which i'm attending with the office. so i can assuredly add another day to the collection of work-related debauchery! such fun!

go sox!

carrot-orange juice

weather: warm and sunny. hooray!

raise your hand if you think that i'll fail miserably at my new "early morning workout" plan (i see all those raised hands!). today was day #1. i was a bit slow getting there, a bit scattered in the entire process, but i think it might be successful. i'm at work now, and i feel great.

but ask me how tired i am, come thursday.

left-handed mice

weather: hazy, probably about 60 degrees. cool for flip-flops but i wear them despite.

i'm slowly becoming friends with the bike messengers outside my office. well, one in particular (he seems to be the outgoing one). sadly he's not the cute one but i guess that's ok. he's quite nice. wednesday we rode our final 4 blocks on market together, and he came with me to get coffee at my 'bucks. the traffic was terrible that day (you know it's bad when a bike messenger feels rattled).

today i tried to saunter by the couriers quickly, because i'm embarrased about the bandage running all the way up my arm (i tore a muscle in my hand -- silly bike injury/battle with the muni rail lines). but i was foiled. he smiled, then offered to walk me to my office (a whopping one block). so much for sneaking by. crap.

of course i had to explain my injury (grumble), but i think it's okay... i didn't sound too much like the pansy i thought i would.

so. this dumb muscle tear forced me to have my first california hospital/doctor experience. emergency rooms are weird places. i tried all day to hold off going. at least once i finally got there, it wasn't busy. no stab victims or car wreck casualties. just me. and a tiny twinge of power that i felt when i whipped out my medical insurance card.

ice to keep the swelling down

weather: sunny! coolish, still windy.

i feel a need to report on all my travels. where should i begin?

first, LA.

great time, terrible town. it felt like being in tampa all over again. except with this mysterious buzz that somehow this place was cooler and more hip and more stylish than tampa. but really, it wasn't. okay so they have some hills where you can drive to the top for a view. but besides that - they have an ocean, florida has a (prettier) ocean. they have urban sprawl, florida has urban sprawl. they have strip malls, florida has strip malls. they have my favorite really really TALL palm trees, florida has them too. okay, LA wins there because they have more, but we can work on that point. at least florida has alligators and birds and fruit trees, and generally feels more... lush. LA just has smog, and quite frankly, it's gross.

but i got to see the reas duo, and they totally rock. i love them. cait is the epitome of all that is graceful in this world, and casey is one of the most talented and gifted people i've ever had the pleasure of meeting. his gallery show was gorgeous, and on top of that, it was so rejuvenating to help him set it up and get it ready. nevermind that he had me risk my life on wobbly scaffolding to hang a black cloth on the back wall. i'll forgive him. he took me for pearl tea. groupc.net.

also, the conference (e3) was a true treat. i'm slowly learning more about this industry i'm working in. many points are still a mystery to me, many nuances still allude me, but i think i'm starting to get the hang of it. i don't feel like an outsider looking in so much anymore. in fact, i almost, just almost, feel like i'm a part of it. it's like those long ropes in gym class that you have to climb to the top of in a race with your friends... i feel like my feet are finally off the ground and i'm dangling a few inches up, with a deathgrip on the first knot. a strange feeling, considering just last year i was on a totally different rope altogether (and progressing at a rather nice pace). now -- i'm flalling around, slightly out of control, but at least i'm off the ground. how soon until i jump ship? how long should i keep going up?

oh let's move on. to florida. good old clearwater!

every time i go home i feel a different emotion about the place. sometimes, i hate it. every crack in the sidewalk and dry patch of grass makes me cringe. other times, i love it. every palm tree and cool breeze and snowy egret that i see walking around in our neighborhood makes me nostalgic and calm and happy. thank goodness this was one of those weekends. it was a short trip, but perhaps the perfect amount of time because it left no moment to get disillusioned. my dad turned 60, and we threw him an old fashioned birthday party, complete with singing, cake and ice cream, friends, and presents. i can't believe he's 60 already, it really astounds me! his heart is so much younger than his body and age might show.

and then i went to new england. wood's hole.

and i had a really fantastic amazing wonderful weekend. i don't feel like getting into the details, but it involved camping and sailing and clamming and sleeping and eating and going to a whaling museum and all around happiness. it couldn't have been a better weekend if i'd written the script myself.

it's not the mambo, it's a feeling. a heartbeat.

weather: dark (it's night), and windy (still). 60 degrees?

i keep wondering when i get to make my "coming of age" movie. i think there would be a lot of dancing in it, like i'm jennifer grey but without the frizzy hair. there would be a lot of sweat (mostly from the dancing), and a lot of crying (because i always seem to cry -- ever since fourth grade when i forgot to cover one of my textbooks. the tears started that day, and never really stopped).

there would have to be one really great shot of my collar bones, and at least one scene where i'm running uncontrollably down a street, probably at dusk, probably really angry. but then at some moment the dancing would start back up, with fantastically upbeat music and bright colors and sensual fabrics flowing around, and lots of dipping and jumping and kicks. someone would have to throw me up in the air (because that looks really fun), and i'll skip the whole watermelon scene. we can keep that part where "johnny" and i have to balance on a log over a creek in the rain.

i keep thinking i should have "come of age" already. but every time i decide i'm ready to be, you know, "of age" (or whatever One is, once One has "come of age"), i just end up feeling like i'm more childish than i ever was before. so i have to wonder if maybe i'm foolish, thinking i'll ever grow up. or maybe i already DID grow up and just missed it?

perhaps it's that my approach is all wrong. perhaps it's time to take the reins into my own hands, and stop worrying about it. cuz' i'm getting kind of sick of these ups and downs, of waking up in the morning with puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks and thinking, okay, well, same old shit. perpetually Baby.